re: Chinaski

Bukowski was asked "How do you create?"

He said, "You don't. You don't try. You don't try for Cadillacs, creation, or immortality. You wait. And if nothing happens you wait some more. It's like a bug high on the wall. You wait for it to come to you. When it gets close enough you reach out, slap out and kill it. Or if you like its looks you make a pet out of it."

I've heard stories of Hoffman as Willy Loman on Bway not acting until the first preview. It's said he couldn't bear the thought of acting the role/the lines until he felt like he was Willy Loman, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. So until he felt truthful, he refused to lie.

But isn't that acting--slipping in and out of connection to the material? Just like we do in real life (we're never 100% engaged all the time)?

It's been interesting being in Impressionism comparing the creative process of a play to that of a musical. In a musical there's a lot of trying. Often a lot of trying too hard, too fast, too soon. There are time constraints, very little privacy.

With this play, there was more waiting. More patience. Still not enough time, but I learned how to leave the audition prep behind and start from scratch. To wait. It's incredibly difficult work to do. Because there's less doing at first. It's dangerous, vulnerable, and more truthful.

I remember with Piazza, I had 12 days to rehearse before being put in. And I tried soooo hard. I had no choice. Circumstances were such it was be thrown to the wolves and survive--make art later. So three months in I finally started to feel like I was working from the right place. I was waiting. Not pushing so hard.

Now with the business as such, so much money on the line, productions costing so much...there's a desperation for results. Where's the line? The line between 'acting' and 'performing'? The line between 'acting' and 'being'? The line between 'waiting' and moving ahead?

The idea of not trying to create is fascinating. To ponder just waiting for it.